I feel like my house/life is drama central...as much as id like to get rid of it all, it just seems to keep rearing its ugly head. I'd like to say i had a relaxing weekend and got to really sit back and just do nothing, but id be lying. Without hashing into all the details lets just say I'm ready to run and hide and just be surrounded by things that make me happy. I feel as though i need to really sit back, reflect and decide on who and what i want in my life, and then work toward that. I guess you could say i really need to find myself. I know we all have times where you may feel like life has just taken over and you just going through the motions with out even thinking about. Until that day when you run into the nasty "where the hell have i been and how did i get here" wall. I feel as though that's kinda where i am these days...and with so much going on I'm not exactly sure how to get myself back to a place where I'm happy and comfortable.
With that said, I'm also kinda to the point of I wont really apologize for anything i say on here. It is my opinion and that it will stay. If i offend it wasn't my intention as i do have this page really to just kinda vent and say whats on my mind at the time. Somethings wont be and shall never be public info. Moving on....
Respect and trust...as simple as those words might sound its nothing of the sorts. It means very different things to different people. To me it is something that you earn and isn't just automatically given and once broken it is hard to get back. These things are very hard for me, mostly because of rotten friends of the past. I might be pretty open, probably more open than i should be, but hey oh well i guess ;). Point being....when i get mad i tend to get a case of word vomit and the older i get the worse it gets. I'm not exactly sure how it is you move past the point of those things being broken, especially when it come to people you are close to. Any ideas??
In other news, my kids are something else! I now have 2 back talkers and just 2 BOYS....they are boys through and through, ABSOLUTELY NO FEAR. I would like to know how to combat some of this now so that we aren't dealing with it so much as the grow older. I understand kids have to be kids and believe me I'm all for them doing so....just ask some that are close to us, although they see it as something different. I really hate the fact that i yell at my kids and have resorted to swatting on the butt, but really time out just doesn't work with my kids! I have taken TV and toys, still didn't do any good. Maybe i should just chalk it up to a phase and hope it passes, but what if it isn't and this grows worse?!?!? Ideas??
The countdown is on :) 80+ days to go til cruise time, YIPPY! Believe me after the week+ I've had, my brain is trying to play tricks on me. The questions of "Oh, well how could this get screwed up?" cross my mind. I hate things like that, i really do. I really hope that things fall into place and the trip goes great, yes ill still worry about my boys while I'm gone but i soooo deserve this! You know i told myself after having kids that i wouldn't forget myself, and guess what i feel like I've kinda done. I do buy myself things every once in a while but I'd rather buy things for the boys. How do you start to splurge on yourself and not feel guilty for it? Lots of questions i have...
So as i was writing all of this i was kinda watching "The Voice" also...Watching Christina kinda makes me wonder. I'm sure your thinking "Wonder what?". Well what i wonder is, does she feel the same as I do. And what i mean by that is, your body changes after having a kid/s. The adjustment of your body changing when your use to it looking a certain way or not weighing X amount. Same can be said for Britney Spears....Both of them look good, don't get me wrong but there are noticeable differences with them from before til now (not counting in aging). Now granted they have A LOT more money than i will ever see in a lifetime, so they can fix just about anything they don't like, i don't have that option. I'm back to the conversation from earlier....How do you become "okay" with yourself again?
Well ponder my questions, forget my question or feel free to answer some of my questions....the choice is yours :)
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